My guest author today is Joanna V. Hunter, and her book “But He’ll Change”. Joanna is the last of my featured authors from my now-discontinued blog-show, The Lit Chick Show.
When I started preparing this last Lit Chick Show blog post, I thought I was going to be featuring another author of fiction. Therefore, it was not only surprising but fitting for me that as I came to the end of my list of authors to feature, I should come across the eye-opening message Joanna conveys in her interview. A message that rocked my world. I had
been living with abuse but didn’t know it!
Joanna explores the dynamics of domestic abuse, violence awareness, and the damage this wreaks on the innocent, loving women who think that “he’ll change”. This is a book that I have added to my reading list.
Before you watch the video with Joanna, I want to share some points from my own experience. You see, abuse doesn’t have to be physical--it can be emotional; as was the case in my own marriage. The scary part was that it never, ever, occurred to me that I was the victim of abuse.
I am a strong person with an assertive outlook, and yet I was in a relationship with a man (I use the term “man” very loosely here) who took away my confidence, self-esteem, and trust in life. I am now discovering that I actually made excuses to justify his behaviour toward me, and I simply came to
accept his treatment of me as “the norm”.
Some of you know my story with the evil ex (as I call him), and others will only have had snippets of my life with this person. The enormity of my situation became clear when I realised that I had lived for seven years with a huge lie. My whole life was a lie with this man; and in the process, I lost myself. I felt abandoned, full of fear, battling with low self-esteem, anxiety and the feeling that I simply wanted to cease to exist.
I managed to get through what is now almost three years or more of emotional abuse and manipulation at the hands of a very sick individual. I never saw it coming in the beginning, as he masqueraded as the most wonderful and supportive of husbands. But when I needed him most, after the death of my mother, and later through my own long-standing illness, he became someone else. He didn’t support me, he abused me emotionally because I was too ill to work, and because I needed to be comforted; and he just didn’t give a damn. He told me to my face that he was fed up with my need of him, and that he refused to put up with my fears about my illness and my condition.
At this point, I seriously considered suicide. I felt abandoned, belittled, unsupported and betrayed by the one I thought would love me till “death us do part”. But the biggest shock came when he finally told me he “had to find himself, as he felt depressed”; and less than two weeks later, he dumped me for another woman. It took me over a year to realise that I had been the victim of abuse, and Joanna’s video confirmed this for me.
So why did I stay with him for so long? Was it fear of loneliness? Was it the fact that he told me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me? (He was still making plans for our lives right up until a few days prior to our breakup)! So after watching Joanna’s video, it sunk in that I really had been the victim of abuse. Only, I didn’t realise it because we normally tend to associate domestic abuse with threats of violence and beatings.
I think Joanna’s message is a very important one. One that all women should be aware of. One that will help us realise that “he’ll never change”. One that will help us move on before it’s too late. In short, one that could save our lives.
I’d like to thank Joanna for sharing her wisdom with us all. She is obviously a woman of substance and courage, and I know you will agree with me.
When I started preparing this last Lit Chick Show blog post, I thought I was going to be featuring another author of fiction. Therefore, it was not only surprising but fitting for me that as I came to the end of my list of authors to feature, I should come across the eye-opening message Joanna conveys in her interview. A message that rocked my world. I had
been living with abuse but didn’t know it!
Joanna explores the dynamics of domestic abuse, violence awareness, and the damage this wreaks on the innocent, loving women who think that “he’ll change”. This is a book that I have added to my reading list.
Before you watch the video with Joanna, I want to share some points from my own experience. You see, abuse doesn’t have to be physical--it can be emotional; as was the case in my own marriage. The scary part was that it never, ever, occurred to me that I was the victim of abuse.
I am a strong person with an assertive outlook, and yet I was in a relationship with a man (I use the term “man” very loosely here) who took away my confidence, self-esteem, and trust in life. I am now discovering that I actually made excuses to justify his behaviour toward me, and I simply came to
accept his treatment of me as “the norm”.
Some of you know my story with the evil ex (as I call him), and others will only have had snippets of my life with this person. The enormity of my situation became clear when I realised that I had lived for seven years with a huge lie. My whole life was a lie with this man; and in the process, I lost myself. I felt abandoned, full of fear, battling with low self-esteem, anxiety and the feeling that I simply wanted to cease to exist.
I managed to get through what is now almost three years or more of emotional abuse and manipulation at the hands of a very sick individual. I never saw it coming in the beginning, as he masqueraded as the most wonderful and supportive of husbands. But when I needed him most, after the death of my mother, and later through my own long-standing illness, he became someone else. He didn’t support me, he abused me emotionally because I was too ill to work, and because I needed to be comforted; and he just didn’t give a damn. He told me to my face that he was fed up with my need of him, and that he refused to put up with my fears about my illness and my condition.
At this point, I seriously considered suicide. I felt abandoned, belittled, unsupported and betrayed by the one I thought would love me till “death us do part”. But the biggest shock came when he finally told me he “had to find himself, as he felt depressed”; and less than two weeks later, he dumped me for another woman. It took me over a year to realise that I had been the victim of abuse, and Joanna’s video confirmed this for me.
So why did I stay with him for so long? Was it fear of loneliness? Was it the fact that he told me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me? (He was still making plans for our lives right up until a few days prior to our breakup)! So after watching Joanna’s video, it sunk in that I really had been the victim of abuse. Only, I didn’t realise it because we normally tend to associate domestic abuse with threats of violence and beatings.
I think Joanna’s message is a very important one. One that all women should be aware of. One that will help us realise that “he’ll never change”. One that will help us move on before it’s too late. In short, one that could save our lives.
I’d like to thank Joanna for sharing her wisdom with us all. She is obviously a woman of substance and courage, and I know you will agree with me.
For more information on Joanna and her book, you can visit her blog or simply connect with her on Facebook or on Twitter @hunterjv.
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