Another great review came in today for my novel The Soul Bearers by Maria Snell, blogger and book reviewer. Her blog is called "Flair".

This is what Maria said about my novel:

The Soul Bearers by Sylvia Massara is an absolute triumph! This is the story we  all wish we could write! It is one of the most deep soul touching, more profound  novels I have ever read. The depth of the despair and love that  these three  characters feel is unequaled to anything I have ever experienced
through a book.  This is a story of love and loss, of rejection and acceptance,
of life and  death, of hope and rebirth. You will cry your eyes out - it was a
deeply  cathartic read for me. Beautifully written, with characters that will get under  your skin and you will embrace, with a depth of humanity unparalleled
to any  other book I have read, poetic and raw at the same time. Hope; hope is
the word  that defines this book: hope in spite of certain death, hope in spite
of  rejection and abuse, hope resulting from true unconditional love. Hope that  heals, hope that forgives, hope that is the way to rebirth. Love as the only important thing worth living for. Alex will find love - both spiritual and   physical - through the love shared by Steve and Matthew, a love that will grow   to embrace her too and help her exorcise the demons of her very abusive  childhood. And healing will come on the wings of a butterfly.

This book is a definite MUST READ. No holds barred, no caveats. This book will show you pure, unadulterated love and hope through tears and loss.
 
Sylvia Says: Thank you, Maria, for your candid review of my novel. By the way, this review was not solicited. Maria asked for a copy of the book to review, and knowing she's an excellent reviewer, I sent her a copy hoping she would like it. Well, she did, and she's made my day! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

AND here's a peek at my book trailer:

I am honoured to announce that I have been chosen to receive the Versatile Blogger Award by author and colleague Sandy Wolters, who runs a great blog called "Sandy's Spotlight", where she reviews books and  interviews authors.

As a "versatile  blogger" I'm supposed to share 7 things about me; so here they are:

1. I am a multi-genre novelist, and I love it!
2. I mean to  go and live "under the Tuscan sun" one day
3. I miss my mum, who passed away in 2007  :-(
4. I am starting my life afresh,  since my hubby left me in early 2011 for a
floozy
5. Like my new, soon-to-be-released mystery series  featuring, Mia Ferrari, a tough late 40s, wiseass chick investigator, I am now a  tough chick myself and anyone who messes with me is going to regret it.  LOL.
6. I love  cappuccinos
7. I could eat pizza  every day of the week and twice on Sundays :-)

I am to pass this award onto 5 other people whom I  consider to be Versatile Bloggers; their blogs are:

Tongue of Dog's Breakfast - a comic blog about politics and  other life issues, run by US-turned-Canadian author, Nicole Chardenet and her  evil henchkitty, Belladonna.
Aobibliosphere - great blogger and book reviewer  extraordinaire!
A Word Please - fabulous mystery author and avid supporter of  indie-authors, Darcia Helle 
Famous Five Plus -  a blog run by author Pauline Barclay about authors and books whose protagonists  are in their 50s (I just slipped into this one even though my protagonists are  in their 40s. Woo hoo!)
Madame Perry's  Salon - a blog where authors and artists meet (as they did in centuries  past), run by super extraordinaire publicist, Jennifer Perry.

This morning I woke up, feeling down in the dumps: my marriage broke up recently; I am about to move homes, as we had to sell our matrimonial home; in the next few months, I will be facing a legal battle with the ex... well, you get the picture.

I was feeling sorry for myself and wondering why life has to be so difficult at times. Anyway, I made myself a coffee (coffee always helps to hold misery at bay, especially if you're a writer. LOL), and then I switched on my computer to check my emails, and I found this lovely, wonderful message from an author who apparently read my book "The Soul Bearers". This was not a "giveaway" copy or a solicited review at all; this came from the reader's own experience after she read my book (which I assume she must have purchased). The double bonus is that she's an author herself--and I know that we authors make the hardest critics. Therefore, I am honoured, thrilled and grateful to have received this review. It certainly made my day--and made the last 13 years that I spent working on this novel worth every minute of it (yes, it took that long because I went crazy with drafts and edits and more edits. Hehehehe).

So here is what author, Gloria Antypowic, had to say:

"Sylvia--I just finished "The Soul Bearers" last night. This book really touched my heart--and I want to hug you. It truly is "a story about great human courage and unconditional love in the face of adversity". It is controversial subject matter, but real life for many in this world. I think this is one of those stories that needs to be read. It is a wonderful book that should make people think about how circumstance, judgement, betrayal, deep friendship and unconditional love and great human courage can affect lives. I have a wonderful daughter-in-law who I am going to buy this book in paperback for; she will feel the same way I do about it and she will share it with many. I did leave a review on Amazon for your book. Thank you for your work."

When a writer gets wonderful feedback like this, it certainly makes the months or years we spend toiling over a book worth every second.

I wrote back to Gloria, and informed her that The Soul Bearers is not out in paperback format yet, but if her daughter-in-law wants to read it, I'll be happy to give her a complimentary copy through Smashwords and she can download it to her computer, if she doesn't have an e-reader.

Well, thanks to Gloria, I am now going to have a wonderful day! :-)
 

She's smart, sexy, sassy and a wise-ass. She loves pizza, younger men and Ferrari cars. She can't resist solving mysteries, and undoubtedly gets herself into trouble. She's in her late 40s, but hey, that's the new 30s, right?

Since my recent marriage breakup, I've been giving a lot of thought to this question. I don't profess to have the right answer, but I have found out that love means different things to different people. Love also changes, and hopefully grows, as we grow and become more mature.

Some of us, however, tend to take love lightly, without giving a thought to the chain reaction we unleash when we hurt another person. This reaction keeps spreading and spreading because of certain actions on our part, and without us even knowing we end up touching others: friends, family, colleagues, even animals and other beings, such as plants. You better believe it: love has a profound effect on us all, and likewise with the reaction we cause.

Now, the choice we make is simple: do we send out a "positive" reaction through our actions or a negative one? I can only share my own experience to answer this question. First and foremost, I learned something very important:
YOU CANNOT BUILD LOVE ON ANOTHER'S MISERY.

In my life, I always made it a rule not to get involved with anyone, unless they were free to love. I never wanted to be "the other woman", knowing that I was the cause of agony to another woman. Only once did I break this rule, albeit unknowingly at the beginning, but when I knew the truth I ignored it, and much later learned that "you definitely cannot build love on another's misery"; it will always come back to haunt you.

I will cut a long story short on this one: one of my exes told me that he was over his relationship with his girlfriend, and the reason she was still in the picture was because he felt responsible and was now looking after her financially--but that their relationship was platonic. Well, this might have been his view of it. Unfortunately, once I allowed myself to become involved, I found out otherwise. The girlfriend wasn't in a platonic relationship, as far as she was concerned, and she confronted me. I chose to believe him instead of her. I know since then that I caused this woman a lot of pain and agony. In the end, I realised that "you cannot build happiness on another's misery" and I ended up leaving the relationship. Once I left, I called up this woman and asked her to forgive me. I shared with her my side of the story and told her that, even though I believed him, I still ended up hurting her. And for that there was no excuse. I was lucky that she was big enough to forgive me, and I was able to walk away with a clear conscience. Since then, I never made the same mistake again.

When I met my present husband--yes, legally, he is still my husband. I made sure that he was free to love. What I couldn't do, however, was ensure that his understanding of love was the same as mine, and much to my detriment, this has caused me heartbreak and agony.

When we took our wedding vows (and even before this), whenever I told him I loved him, I meant this:

*I'll be with you for life
*I will love you for richer or for poorer
*I will love you in sickness and in health
*I will never forsake you for another
*I will share all I have with you
*I will grow old with you
*Even if we disagree or have arguments, I will always be willing to work things out.

But when he said he loved me, this is what he meant:

*I will love you as long as things are okay between us
*I will love you as long as you don't get sick and I have to look after you
*I will love you as long as you keep working and put money on the table
*I will only share with you what I want--not everything
*I tell you that I will grow old with you, but I don't really mean this
*I will try not to forsake you, but it doesn't do any harm to keep my eye open in case there is someone better out there
*If we disagree or have arguments, I won't give you a chance to work them out, because by that time I'll have someone else on the side and I will dump you like a piece of garbage.

And this is exactly what happened. When I was sick, he didn't support me (either emotionally or financially). When I needed him the most, he wasn't there for me. When he got tired of me, he found someone else, and made sure he had her "lined up" before he dumped me. When I begged him to work things out with me, he never gave us the chance. He didn't want to go to counseling; he didn't want to even talk about it. He was already too busy planning his future with his new woman.

Evidently, we all have our own views about love, don't we? For the sake of the seven years I was with him, he didn't even give me one chance to try and see whether we could salvage our marriage.

Since then, I wrote to his new woman and told her that my husband has done this to others before me (I'm number three, as far as I know). So it's obvious that he didn't learn from his mistakes as I did. I never received a response from the woman--not that I expected to--but I see that she has taken his side of the story without even bothering to stop and think how much hurt she has inflicted in my life.

She is certainly not part of what I call "the sisterhood". She is trying to build happiness on my misery. When she met my husband she knew he was married to me, and yet she went along with everything he said. Even before my husband left our home she was already meeting with him, going out with him, flirting with him and planning her life with him.

She has unleashed a chain reaction that she has no idea about: not only has she inflicted hideous and agonizing heartbreak within me, but she has hurt my family, my friends, my colleagues, and all those around me that "were taken in" by my husband and his lies. Now, I know it takes two to tango, and I am not laying all the blame on her doorstep. I mean, she simply went along with what my husband told her.

Having said this, she still had freedom of choice. She could have said "no, I don't want to be the other woman" or "I don't want to be the homewrecker". But she chose to become my husband's partner in crime. She chose to build her happiness on my misery, right alongside of him.

It's obvious that the meaning of love for these people does not hold the words "fidelity" and "honour". They are both selfish and don't care whom they hurt as long as they can be together.

My message to them: YOU CANNOT BUILD HAPPINESS ON ANOTHER'S MISERY. You will one day find that all your lies, deceit, selfishness, etc, will have had such a huge effect on those around you; and even on you, yourselves, that your union will not last. How can it?

By the way, he is still legally my husband, and will be for some time to come.

Hello, Cat Ryan here. Just wanted to let you know that I’m back in the saddle again—the saddle, that is, of internet dating.

 The good news is that after a few false starts I finally made a friend. Yes, a male friend. Woo hoo! They do exist, after all. Could this be a  case of “When Harry met Sally” though? Harry didn’t think that males and females could ever be friends because the “sex” thing always gets in the way. Do you  agree with this? Well, I tend not to. I think that if two people have lots in common and there is no physical attraction between them, then yes, they can be friends. I also think that even with males I’m attracted to, if I take the sex out of the equation, I need to know that we can at least be friends; otherwise, once the “lust” phase is over the whole relationship will collapse.

But back to the internet dating: A couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with a rather cute younger man (don’t ask me how much younger than me he  was because I won’t reveal this in public. lol). Anyway, this guy was very  engaging and we had things in common, and I found myself thinking that perhaps our new “friendship” would turn into something more intimate. I could see myself  getting involved with him, even though he wasn’t as cute as Richard Gere in
American Gigolo, but then, who is, right?

Our date went well, we had lots to talk about and liked each other, and I thought he was rather romantic. He paid me nice compliments and told me I looked 26 instead of 4... (well, let’s just say 40, shall we?). We   parted with a lovely hug, a chaste kiss, and the promise of another meeting. I then  drove home and congratulated myself on how easily I got back in the saddle again, and was already anticipating our next date when suddenly I get a text message from him to the effect of the fact that he enjoyed the coffee with me and that he thought I had fantastic boobs.

OMG! Talk about vomit! Why do guys do this? Where’s the romance in “I love your boobs?” No class whatsoever. And that, my friends, was the end  of that short-lived interlude.

This turned out to be just as bad as the guy who waited until he met me before he told me he was married. Needless to say, I had a very quick cup of coffee and ran out of there.

It’s really sad that with the advent of internet dating and social media like Facebook, it has become so much easier for people to cheat on their spouses. There is very little honour left in this world, and even less fidelity. 

So, there isn’t much we can count on these days, except for those Nigerian scammers who are forever after me! Thank God I got it down to a fine art now, and it generally takes me under 3 seconds to find them out.

They say that it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. Hmm. Let's examine this further.

I think we can all agree that when we first find love (no matter  how misguided or blind we are) we feel like our little friend "Super Kitty". We are faster than a speeding bullet, can leap tall buildings in a single bound; we fly through space and everything looks absolutely "f....ckng" fantastic; that is, until we crash! This is when it turns out that the object of our affection has feet of clay. In fact, it would be nice if the object of my affection had cement shoes instead (but that's another story and something for The Godfather to work out).

So, after the devastation of a breakup and the death of our dreams, we are left feeling a little bit like our friend, The Pink Panther. Oh, just shoot me! And we start asking all sorts of questions: "What did I do?"
(This is a typical one asked, mainly by females. I mean, why should it be our  fault all the time?). "Why did he/she leave?" And some of us get the good old: "It's not you, it's me" bullshit. Yes, I got that one from the ex-husband, just  5 minutes before he ran off with his floozy woman from Facebook. 

Okay, so the answer to the question: "Is it better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all?"

 The answer: I DON'T FREAKIN' KNOW!!!

And you thought I was going to say something really philosophical, right? Sorry to disappoint you.
 
All I can say is that while the first phase of love can be as exhilarating as
landing a 747 airplane on your own while being guided by "ground control", and have Bruce Willis in the back of the plane shooting all the bad guys; having your heart broken is like crashing the bloody plane and killing everyone onboard--including Bruce Willis!

Is there a payoff to putting yourself through all this, only to come out bruised and absolutely crushed with disappointment at the other end? Ask the Dalai Lama.

There is only one thing I am sure about, and it is this; having gone through three breakups with significant others, I've learned the   following:

*If you’re an author, your writing suddenly gains more depth.

*If you’re a woman over 40, you have a higher chance of being killed by a terrorist than finding a real man (I actually beat these odds, you know. I met my ex-husband at 42—but he turned out to be a psycho. Damn. I might have been better off with a cute terrorist!).

*You get sick of people telling you that “what goes around comes around”. This means to me that I must’ve done something really terrible in a previous life (or even this one) in order to deserve meeting that #%&@#@ good-for-nothing SOB. After all, why is it that I’m the one suffering? So there is definitely something wrong with this scenario.

*Life’s a bitch and then you die :-(

*“Eat, Pray, Love”. I tried eating and got indigestion; I prayed, but psycho boy is still alive and kicking; I didn’t find anyone to love yet (remember, I’m over 40!). BUT... and yes, there is a "but": I AM STILL COOL!

Hi all, Cat Ryan here. I just want to say that I have now exhausted my internet dating exploits and I just give up! I’ve had it with the Nigerian scammers, the married men posing as single men, the married men telling me they’re married and still looking for “a bit on the side”, the weirdos, the psychos, the tightasses who make you pay for your own coffee, the ones who want to make contact with you but are not prepared to send you an email because it costs them money to make initial contact—so yeah, they expect Cat to fork out. And let's not even get into the "gigolos" who tell Cat she looks like she's 25 years of age (just to get her in the sack) when she knows very well she's in her 40s--mind you, a good looking 40! Yes, I still got it. LOL.

God, you name it and Cat’s been through it. For a millisecond, Cat actually considered running off with the lipstick lesbian that propositioned her. LOL! But no, Cat’s a straight girl and she’s looking for a real man. It seems the quest is over though, and Cat hasn’t found “the one”.

 The good news is that Cat is the main character in my novel “Like  Casablanca”, so she’s lucky in that in the end she’ll find the prince; well, that’s if she doesn’t blow it. Woo hoo! But what’s in store for Cat’s creator, novelist Sylvia Massara? Well, she’s now planning “murder and mayhem”, a great  antidote for a broken marriage and a nasty divorce. This means that the lawyers are getting richer and Sylvia is pulling her hair out. Ouch!

It’s too early to have a “divorce party” yet, so Sylvia would like to offer a discount on her two romantic comedies, Like Casablanca and The Other Boyfriend or on her drama The Soul Bearers. The first 10 readers of this blog to comment on any aspect of internet dating or "love gone wrong" will receive a coupon for any of Sylvia's eBooks, which are currently priced at $3.99 on Smashwords (multi-format available). With the coupon, you'll be able to purchase the novel of your choice for only 99 cents! So hurry and leave a comment with your internet dating or love gone wrong experience.  
 
This is Cat Ryan and Sylvia Massara signing off from the Cat Ryan Internet Dating Capers—and we thank every one of you who’ve left comments in the past on Cat’s posts.

Ciao for now!