This blog post has been updated due to new regulations introduced by the government in Australia where the age pension has moved up from 65 to 70 years.
When you look down through the ages, girls of 12 years were being married off to men twice or three times their age. At least in those days, the roles played in a marriage were more distinct—women became homemakers and had children; men fought the wars and provided for their family.
This went on until after WWII, when women went out to do the men’s jobs, because the men were fighting the war (which they started in the first place, I might add). And once we returned to peacetime, women discovered they could do a man’s job and then some. Therefore, although they had a very difficult time in fighting for equal rights through the ages, women finally made it—well, mostly.
One thing we didn’t reckon on was the aging factor. Sadly, the likes of Hollywood and the media made it acceptable for a 20-year-old to be paired off with a 50-something actor. Movies such as Funny Face and Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn are a case in point. Having said this, once again, the woman became the homemaker and had the children, while the man provided for her; and because the man was older, it stood to reason he would die off first and leave his family well provided for.
So what happened in more recent years? Men still like the idea of a younger woman—don’t they always gravitate toward someone younger than themselves? Where does this leave the older woman? If she’s lucky, she’s married to a wonderful man who will grow old alongside her until death do them part. If she’s unlucky, she’ll be abandoned by her spouse and must fend for herself.
Okay, I think most women have accepted that at one time or another they will go through a separation or divorce, and therefore, they must fend for themselves unless their ex pays maintenance for them. More than likely, however, the woman will have to work and maintain herself, and the chances of her meeting another man after the age of 45 is almost nil. The reason? Men her age are looking for someone up to 15 years younger! So all of a sudden, older women find themselves in an aging purgatory from which there is no escape.
This isn’t so bad if a woman is successful and financially secure. After all, it’s better to be single than stay in a marriage for all the wrong reasons. The problem comes when a woman is not financially secure. She must earn her living, but cannot find a job if she’s been laid off from work. If she’s age 40 or so, she'll probably just scrape by and find another job, but by age 45+ it’s almost a miracle unless she’s well connected or is prepared to take several steps down from what she used to do and take up some menial job. So much for the Human Rights Commission and all their crappy talk about age discrimination, especially for women.
So what happens now? The official pension age is 65 (and our government has recently increased the qualifying age for pension, and depending what year you were born you may have to wait until you turn 70 before you can claim it). And now we have a late-40s/early-50s woman looking for a job, but she cannot find one because the labour market is like Hollywood: They only want them young.
What does this woman do? How does she survive the next 15 or so years until she can collect her age pension?
There are plenty of famous actresses in Hollywood who are over 45 and still working, and even if they didn’t work, many of them have already made their fortune and can live the rest of their lives in comfort. But come closer to reality and we have a disaster. We have women in their 40s, 50s and 60s who cannot find work, who become invisible to men their own age (and even men older than them! Yes, a 60-something male is still going for the young babes), and who pretty much get ignored by society in general.
I am talking in general here. There are those women who make waves and make themselves heard or who become influential in some way or even famous, but what happens to the majority of us?
I am fortunate to have a bread and butter job in recruitment right now, so I try to help older women where possible. Mind you, I’ve had some tough battles with ex-bosses when trying to convince them to consider an older female candidate rather than a younger one, despite the fact that the younger woman was under-qualified. Nine of out ten, I was overruled, and we had to give the job to the younger female.
My experience with the aging factor and finding work frightens me when I see this kind of thing going on all around me, and I start to think about what is going to happen to me one day. It’s scary to think that if I lose my present job, I may never be employed again.
I am working toward my dream of becoming a full-time author. After all, writing has no age limit, but making it in any kind of creative field is very difficult, and it may be that one day I may have to take up a job walking dogs instead.
It is stressful to see I don’t have the influence I used to when I was in my 30s, and at the top of my career. Meanwhile, older guys than myself still have powerful jobs. It's sad but true when we have to admit that it’s still a man’s world out there.
If you have a story to share about the trials and tribulations of growing older as a female, please share it here.
That’s right, online friendships can turn to murder—but it’s fictitious, so that’s a relief.
You’re probably wondering what in heaven’s name I’m talking about. Let me explain: some time ago, I read a couple of humorous fiction novels by British author, Carol E. Wyer. I met Carol when I used to run a vlog, interviewing authors on their respective work, and we maintained contact since. So ours is what I call a cyber-friendship.
In her novels, Carol developed a character that followed the blog of her main protagonist, Amanda Wilson. The blog follower went by the name of SexyFitChick, and she was from Australia. SexyFitChick became a good online friend of Amanda Wilson, Carol’s main character in her two novels, Mini Skirts and Laughter Lines and Surfing in Stilettos.
Carol later revealed to me that SexyFitChick reminded her of me, although I don’t know about the “fit” part *laughter and wink*, but I do agree about the “sexy” bit :D
Over the next couple of years, Carol and I maintained our cyber-friendship, and I really enjoyed reading about the escapades of Amanda Wilson. So much so, that when my own protagonist, smartarse, older chick, super-sleuth, Mia Ferrari, was published in her second adventure, The Gay Mardi Gras Murders, I decided to bring Amanda Wilson (Carol's protagonist) to the land down under for a visit with Mia.
In the story, Amanda (or Mandy) is suffering from “grumpy-hubby syndrome” and so she runs off Down Under to visit with best online friend, Mia Ferrari, and catch the world-famous Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras at the same time.
As it turns out, not only does Mandy become part of an investigation into several murders, one of which involves a transsexual with a very valuable diamond that carries a so-called curse; but she is thrown into Mia’s world—a world of luxury international hotels, Ferrari cars, insidious characters, younger men, a bunch of bitchy drag queens, drop-dead gorgeous gay boys, and a lot more. To make matters worse, and really test the friendship between the two protagonists, Mandy develops a crush on Mia’s archenemy, the very good looking Detective Sergeant Phil Smythe.
I won’t go on with the plot and spoil it for you, but I want to point out that from a cyber-friendship between two authors who are continents apart was born the fictional friendship of Amanda Wilson and Mia Ferrari (our respective protagonists). This led our protagonists--both strong and independent mature women, to adventure, the challenge of overcoming rivalry between two good friends, sexual fantasies of "playing with some bad boys", and even hoping to convert a few sexy gay boys--and finally, solving a number of murders before more bodies piled up.
The message in this particular novel, The Gay Mardi Gras Muders, is that through all the obstacles of life, friendship is the most important thing there is—sometimes, friendship is stronger than love, as Mia Ferrari soon learns.
So how’s that for the power of a fictional friendship, which was born in the minds of two authors who became online friends? Personally, I think this takes friendship to a whole new level.
We have an expression in Australia that we sometimes use when we're feeling rather overwhelmed; and when I finished reading a certain article about the chances of women finding men after a certain age, I was left trembling with apprehension. As I clutched the newspaper to my breast and shakily boarded the train on the way home from work the other day, I said to myself: "How much can a koala bear?"
On the train, I re-read the by now crumpled paper so I could take things in once more, this time sitting down. A flashback to the movie Sleepless in Seattle brought back the comment made to the Meg Ryan character that "A woman has a much higher chance of being killed in a terrorist attack than getting married after the age of forty."
Well, I have news for you, sisters! The age has now dropped dramatically since they filmed that movie. This explains my downing a valium when I arrived home and making myself a huge bowl of pasta with pesto (my favourite comfort food) so I could get over the shock of what I had learned.
The following comes from a regular column in the mX newspaper (courtesy of City Rail) written by Emma Merkas. WARNING: READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL!!!
Never mind 40! Bloody hell--they are now saying if we don't land a man by 29 we're done for! What are the freakin' chances for us to do that if we're older chicks past a certain age? As we fondly say in Australia: "Buckleys and none". This is how much of a chance we have of landing a man past the age of 29, 30, 35, 40, and so on. So our mission is not just impossible; it's friggin' IMPOSSIBLE!
Therefore, with heartfelt sympathy and condolences to my older, wiser, and sometimes dumped sisters out there, bring on the terrorists! In fact, I think we have a much better chance of capturing a whole terrorist organisation and bringing them to justice while winning millions on Lotto three times in a row, and having George Clooney and Clint Eastwood in a bidding war for the film option to one of our novels (this last one is for my literary sisters), than landing a man who is decent, faithful, loving and considerate. Oh, fudge! Forget the last bit and simply make it ANY man!
Okay, I'm off to find a mining town now where women are few and men are desperate :-)
They say that it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. Hmm. Let's examine this further.
I think we can all agree that when we first find love (no matter how misguided or blind we are) we feel like our little friend "Super Kitty". We are faster than a speeding bullet, can leap tall buildings in a single bound; we fly through space and everything looks absolutely "f....ckng" fantastic; that is, until we crash! This is when it turns out that the object of our affection has feet of clay. In fact, it would be nice if the object of my affection had cement shoes instead (but that's another story and something for The Godfather to work out).
So, after the devastation of a breakup and the death of our dreams, we are left feeling a little bit like our friend, The Pink Panther. Oh, just shoot me! And we start asking all sorts of questions: "What did I do?" (This is a typical one asked, mainly by females. I mean, why should it be our fault all the time?). "Why did he/she leave?" And some of us get the good old: "It's not you, it's me" bullshit.
Okay, so the answer to the question: "Is it better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all?"
The answer: I DON'T FREAKIN' KNOW!!!
And you thought I was going to say something really philosophical, right? Sorry to disappoint you.
All I can say is that while the first phase of love can be as exhilarating as
landing a 747 airplane on your own while being guided by "ground control", and have Bruce Willis in the back of the plane shooting all the bad guys; having your heart broken is like crashing the bloody plane and killing everyone onboard--including Bruce Willis!
Is there a payoff to putting yourself through all this, only to come out bruised and absolutely crushed with disappointment at the other end? Ask the Dalai Lama.
There is only one thing I am sure about, and it is this; having gone through some harrowing experiences with the opposite sex, I've learned the following:
*If you’re an author, your writing suddenly gains more depth.
*If you’re a woman over 40, you have a higher chance of being killed by a terrorist than finding a real man.
*You get sick of people telling you that “what goes around comes around”. This means to me that I must’ve done something really terrible in a previous life (or even this one) in order to deserve meeting those #%&@#@ good-for-nothing SOBs.
*Life’s a bitch and then you die :-(
*“Eat, Pray, Love”. I tried eating and got indigestion; I prayed, but this didn't change any of the psychos out there; I didn’t find anyone to love yet, but then, I'm not Julia Roberts; however, ... I AM STILL COOL!
Author Sylvia Massara's: