AUTHOR SYLVIA MASSARA
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The stigma of growing older when you’re a woman

2/22/2020

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Please note: Views are my own and while ageism affects males, too, in this blog post I am focusing most of my thoughts towards the sentient being that is mostly affected by ageism: the middle-aged female.

This blog post has been updated because regulations introduced a few years ago by the Australian Government changed the age pension qualifying criteria up from 65 to 67 and 70 years respectively (depending in which year one was born), but also because there is still so much ageism in the workplace, which has a negative impact in our lives mentally and in the ability to earn enough money until age pension kicks in. I can attest to all of this after spending thirty-five years of my life in corporate human resources roles. And believe me when I tell you that I've seen it all when it comes to age discrimination, and I have even experienced it myself of late.

The biggest worry is that as of 2020 we have 13.6% (or 3.24 million people) living below the poverty line--according to the Australian Council of Social Services and the University of NSW. These days anyone who loses their job after age 45 (and they could be even younger, by the way, especially for females) will take an average of one year to find a job--and this is if they are lucky.


But let's look at ageism in culture for a moment. I firmly believe this is from where age discrimination stems. When you look down the ages, girls of 12 years (and even younger) were being married off to men twice or three times their age. In those days the role played by two people in a marriage was strictly defined: women became homemakers and had children; men fought the wars and provided for the family.


This went on pretty much until WWII when women went out to do the men’s jobs because the menfolk were fighting the war-- which they started in the first place, I might add! But once the world returned to peacetime women discovered they could do a man’s job and then some. Therefore, although they had a very difficult time fighting for equal rights through the ages, women eventually made it to the top—well, mostly--the majority of them still get paid less than their male counterparts (yes, I know, this is a gender thing).


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So we kind of made it when it came to equal rights, but one thing we didn’t reckon on was the ageing factor. Sadly, the likes of Hollywood and the media still make it acceptable for a 20-year-old to be paired off with a 50-something actor. Classic movies such as Funny Face and Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn are a good case in point, but even in modern times we still see this kind of "pairing" of younger woman/older man playing out.

But back to history: women mostly became the homemakers after WWII plus they had  children (as it was their duty, according to society, to repopulate the world after so many perished during the war). Meanwhile, the men went back to the role of provider and, because these were more traditional times, the man was generally older than his wife and it stood to reason that he would die off first and leave his family well provided for.


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So what happened in more recent years? Most men still seem to like the idea of a younger woman—don’t they usually gravitate towards someone younger than themselves? And where does this leave the older woman? If she’s lucky, she’s married to a wonderful man who will grow old alongside of her "until death do them part". If she’s unlucky, however, she’ll be abandoned by her spouse--possibly swapped for a younger woman-- and she must fend for herself.
 
It's fair to say that most women have accepted that at one time or another in their lives they will go through a separation or divorce and, therefore, they must provide for themselves unless their ex pays maintenance of some kind. More than likely, as is increasingly the case in modern times, the woman will have to work and maintain herself (and any children she may have). Should she be inclined to look for another partner (for both companionship and splitting the bills) the chances of her meeting another man after the age of say 45 is almost nil. The reason? Men her age are looking for someone up to 15 years younger. So all of a sudden older women find themselves in an ageing purgatory from which there is no escape.


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This isn’t so bad if a woman is successful and financially secure. After all, it’s better to be single than stay in a marriage for all the wrong reasons. The problem comes when a woman is not financially secure. She must earn her own living, but she cannot find a job if she’s been busy raising kids and has big gaps in her working career, or perhaps she was laid off from work due to downsizing, or much worse: if she’s age 40 plus.

Well, she may just scrape by and find another job at 40, but by age 45 it’s almost a miracle unless she’s well connected or is prepared to take several steps down from what she used to do and perform some menial job that pays peanuts.

So much for the Human Rights Commission and their crappy talk about age discrimination, especially for women. Unfortunately, they don't enforce age discrimination enough. Not long ago, I tried to report a recruitment ad for a medical receptionist that actually stated in their ad that they were looking for a young girl because the other girls on reception were young, too. I contacted the said employer and, incredibly, they admitted this over the phone. I then telephoned the Human Rights Commission and was informed that they could not do very much about it unless I could prove all this, including the employer's response. Whatever happened to their guidelines where an employer is not allowed to state age, gender, race, and yada, yada, yada, as our American friends say?

 
What happens now? The official pension age is either 67 or 70, and now we have a late-40s or early-50s woman looking for a job, but she cannot find one because the labour market is like Hollywood: they only want them young (especially the females).

So what does this woman do? How does she survive the next 15 or so years until she can collect age pension? And heaven forbid that she may be battling some kind of chronic illness, where her capabilities to work are limited, or she cannot work at all! And before you jump in here and shout out "disability pension", forget it! You have to slit your carotid artery in front of a Centrelink official in order for them to believe you that you are actually fully incapacitated, which makes this a moot point as you will not need financial assistance because you bled out all over their desk and you are now dead.


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Okay. What next for this poor woman? There are plenty of famous actresses in Hollywood who are over 45 and still working, but even if they didn’t work many of them have already made their fortunes and can live the rest of their lives in comfort. Coming closer to reality, however, we have a disaster. There are hundreds of thousands of average women out there in their 40s, 50s and 60s who cannot find work, who become invisible to men their own age--and even men older than them. Yes, a 60-something male is still going to go for the young babes--and who pretty much get ignored by society.
 

I am talking in general terms here as there are many women who make waves and make themselves heard or who become influential in some way, or even famous, but what happens to the majority of us?

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When I had a bread and butter job in recruitment (while penning novels in my spare time) I tried to help older women wherever possible. Mind you, I’ve had some tough battles with ex-bosses when trying to convince them to consider an older female candidate over younger ones despite the fact that the younger women were under-qualified! Nine of out ten, I was overruled and we had to give the job to the younger female. This also happened when we had a male applicant going for a role against a female applicant. The guy usually got the job. But this is more of a gender issue and I'll leave this hot topic for another blog post.

My experience with the ageing factor, and having to find work, concerns me greatly when I remember that this kind of thing is still going on. And now that it is I who am looking for a little gig to supplement my income it’s scary to think that I may never be employed again. I have been rejected a number of times already although I meet the criteria for many of the roles for which I applied; I have oodles of experience to offer; I am negotiable as far as money goes, so the employer will be getting a highly skilled professional at practically half the amount of what I used to earn; and I am flexible with hours. But to date, no takers--not even from a large hotel company where I once worked and set up the whole human resources function including company culture to meet Australian standards, but modelled on the culture of their overseas head office. So what does this tell you? I can do the job with my eyes closed; I am the same person I was back then (when I used to work for this organisation); I know my stuff back to front! So the only parameter that has changed is my age.
 
Meanwhile, the dream of supporting myself as a fulltime author is something that is outside the reach of 98% of fiction writers (myself included). It is like what they say in Hollywood when it comes to actors: "Two per cent of actors make it to the top; the other ninety-eight per cent are still waiting on tables". The only plus is that writing has no age limit. In fact, the older one gets the more experience and wisdom they have to contribute to their writing, but making it in any kind of creative field is extremely difficult, therefore, most "creatives" always have a side-gig.

It is humbling and distressing to see (and feel) that I don’t have the influence I used to have when I was in my 30s and at the top of my career. Meanwhile, older guys than myself still have powerful jobs (Oops! Going into that "gender" thing again). I know some who are way past 60 and still making super huge salaries as MDs and CEOs, partners in firms, and the usual "boys club" network. It's sad but true when we have to admit that it’s still a man’s world out there, however you look at it.

In the end, it may be that one day I may just have to take up a job walking dogs instead--that is, if I'm not so old that someone else has to take me for a walk!


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18 Comments
Bouncin Barb link
6/16/2013 18:55:47

Hi Sylvia...You know me from Facebook as Carol Wyer's and Linn Halton's friend. I caught this and wanted to say what a fantastic post and oh so very true. I was married for 23 years to a man 21 years my senior and while that was a fabulous marriage, there were things about the age difference that I noticed. Friends, music, raising a son and having different views, etc. etc. After he passed away I met and have been with Bruce for 6 years now. We are 4 years apart and it's awesome. So much more in common and we share the same aches and pains at the same pace...lol.

I was in banking and production management for 20+ years and saw first hand the difficulties older women had in a) getting hired and b) keeping their jobs during layoffs! It IS a man's world out there. Women who cannot support themselves are in serious jeopardy! Scary isn't it?!

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Sylvia Massara link
6/17/2013 01:21:51

Hi Barb, I am happy for you that you are in an awesome relationship. At least you have emotional (and even financial) support when you need it. Us singletons have it harder sometimes :)

On the job front, however, yes, it's really scary and sad. The worst part is legislative law goes on and on about it, but they don't actually do anything.

I mean, how do you prove your application for a job got turned down because you're over 50 and therefore the company was discriminating against you? It's impossible! The recruiters simply send you a letter, telling you that you don't meet the criteria for the job. I tested this out by applying for certain roles where I met the criteria very well, especially with my background and experience, and yet, I get turned down. It happens all the time.

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Bouncin Barb link
6/18/2013 18:13:35

Sylvia...I have had to let great employees go and keep horrible older women because companies were afraid of lawsuits. On the flip slide, I have had to be "creative" when giving justification for wanting to hire an older woman with tons of experience over a younger candidate. The banks didn't want to pay the older woman what she rightfully deserved for her experience. I used to come home so upset and distressed over "corporate politics".

Yes I am in a good relationship right now but we aren't married and have had our issues. I made sure that I can support myself first and foremost if he walks out the door. That's number one and I wish more women would do the very same thing. It's a very comforting thing!! lol

Sylvia Massara link
6/19/2013 05:00:45

@Bouncin Barb: Hi Barb, the point you made is exactly what happens in Australia as well. Too old to hire due to having to pay more money or simply too old to hire because they want a babe.

Regarding the relationship side of things, I couldn't agree with you more. Only yesterday, I was telling a young friend of mine that no matter what kind of relationship she's in, a woman should always maintain independence, especially financial independence. I learned this the hard way :(

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Lynne Spreen link
9/15/2013 03:27:14

Sylvia, your second to last sentence says it all. A woman cannot count on society changing, men changing, or laws changing. All she can do is protect herself. She should start young. Best wishes.

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sylvia massara link
9/15/2013 03:32:08

Hi Lynne,

I agree. A woman, no matter what age, should focus on looking after herself financially. In life, you never know, and better to be safe than sorry.

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Elyse Salpeter link
6/17/2014 03:29:39

Growing older is scary - especially when you start to look for a job and you're in your mid 40's. People see a resume and just assume - they have no idea even what you look like, how you present yourself or anything and they immediately judge by age. It's very frustrating. Make waves and get noticed is the only thing I can suggest. Nice post. Scary and sad, but nice.

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Sylvia Massara link
6/17/2014 03:55:14

Hi Elyse,

Everything you say is sooooooooooo true. I've had a 25 year career in human resources (my day gig), and I see how ageism runs rampant even among older senior managers (male of course) who DO NOT want an older woman when they seek a PA or some kind of female for a job. I've had many battles with bosses about this. Some I've lost and some I've won.

Ageism is a big thing in Australia now (catching up fast to workplace bullying). The problem is many companies do not take it seriously, and as they "pay our wages" most of us have had to take it in our stride most times.

Many's the time people have come to complain to me about discrimination, but in order to help them I have to make it a formal investigation (whether it be ageism, bullying or sexual). Of course, they are too afraid to do this formally, and so they drop everything. I understand where they're coming from, but it's sad we are all affected by it.

I've been having trouble looking for work since my mid-40s as well, even though I took off about 10 years of work experience from my resume (as an author, I give myself fictional license when it comes to resumes. LOL). But to sink to this kind of thing so a recruiter or company will look at my resume is demeaning and depressing.

Over here it's optional to put one's birthdate on a resume, but you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you do, they know you're older; if you don't, they suspect you must be older anyway. So as you can see, we cannot win.

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Bonnie Moore link
6/26/2014 13:29:28

Great comments, and all so true! Here is the states we have a movement starting called "Golden Girls Lifestyle." It's where older women connect and live together both for financial reasons and for companionship. I've live in a Golden Girls Home for six years, and it is a great way to grow old together!

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Sylvia Massara link
6/27/2014 01:24:02

Bonnie, this is an idea I've been thinking about lately. I've a friend in the US who once told me if would be great to get a bunch of like-minded women so they can rent something nice and live together to give each other support. We were talking about Tuscany at the time as it would be great to go overseas, but it all made sense at the time.

I take it there is a website for Golden Girls Lifestyle? I will google it and see if I can find it. I'm not sure we're this progressive in Australia yet, but I'll do some research.

Thank you for your feedback :)

Reply
Bonnie Moore link
6/27/2014 01:45:48

Sylvia...try googling GoldenGirlsNetwork. We have a website that allows men and women over 40 to register and match up for Golden Girls-style living. We were featured in an article in the Washington Post about a week ago. I have also been on NPR, PBS, and CBS talking about this new lifestyle.

Sylvia Massara link
6/27/2014 01:50:41

Found it, Bonnie. Thank you. I have a lot of reading to do. Sounds quite exciting, and I hope it all goes well.

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Lynne Spreen link
6/27/2014 02:35:33

Is it Golden Girls Homes? http://www.goldengirlhomes.us/

Bonnie Moore link
6/27/2014 04:27:07

No, I'm GoldenGtrlsNetwork.com.

Sylvia Massara link
6/27/2014 04:19:01

Thanks, Lynne, yes, I found it :)

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Sylvia Massara link
6/27/2014 04:34:37

Bonnie, I found yours just now. It's great! I Thank you :)

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    Sylvia Massara is an Australian author who is passionate about animal rights, climate change and  saving our planet, plus the right of individuals to choose DIY euthanasia.

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